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| Hi, Betsy & Emilee!
The title says it all! Texas doesn't suit me very well. Three months here is more than enough and I'm ready to go home. Wherever that is. Virginia, Tennessee.... anywhere east of the M-I-SS-I-SS-I-PP-I thats for darn sure and someplace where there's more than one season.
I had lots of expectations for Texas. I tried not to but it turns out I did...shocker I know.
I've realized I'm crazier than ever and find myself wondering constantly if I'll ever really be happy anywhere doing anything. Life feels like chaos.... and mostly when I think of chaos I think about things going all over the place really fast.... but not for me. Right now everything is moving in slow motion. Lots of questions and no answers...
When people ask I tell them I'm fine and Texas is good but really I hate it. I know I haven't given it enough time. I'm not sure how to do that now. You know once you make up your mind its made up. Now I just want to count down the days til my lease is up and move on.
I know thats all really negative and its true but God is doing good stuff here and I know he brought me here for lots of reasons. Being here is forcing me to face myself. Something i've put off for a long time. I thought maybe I could leave my old self in TN and find a new self in TX. Much to my disappointment... i found out it doesn't work that way. You can't just leave your demons behind. And I can't run forever. So i'm here facing them.... my "giants" if you will... head on and its scary. and it hurts... and its embarassing.
The Refiner's fire is HOT! but my hopes are high.
I wish I had happier things to report.... (the hurricane did bring a beautiful weeks worth of cool weather. The kind that made me miss the heater under my desk at Johnson and someone is bent on setting me up with her sweet multimillionaire hunk of a coworker), but I'll leave you with the truth.
Pray for me friends!
I think of you all the time and miss you more than words can express.
Love you!!
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| So here I am sitting in an ABC store... which in Virginia stands for Alcoholic Beverage Company or something.... here it stands for America's Best Coffee. Starbucks screwed me on the Wi-Fi front but ABC has come through. I really like it here... and personally think the Daily Grind wont be as great as this cozy little place. I decided I need to find someplace to get caught up on email, facebook, myspace TMZ postsecret, miscellaneous blogs... ya know the usual important stuff. I've decided to wait a while to get internet in my apartment until I know what my budget will be. I thought this would give me time to read... and it has.... but not as much as I'd like. I finally finished The Time Traveller's Wife. GOOD STUFF! You should read it. They liked to have a lot of sex though (which if you read it you can understand) so don't say I didn't warn you. Next up is Abba's Child per Tara's recommendation. i keep putting it off so I'm just going to read it. hopefully I'll get as much good stuff out of it as she did. Then its Boundries per Nicole's recommendation... I'm pretty excited.
So Texas....
Its great here. I wish there were some people experiencing all this new stuff with me though. I miss my familiar faces from my homes in VA & TN. I wish I had the words to express how much I love and miss you all!
My parents and I loaded a few things up in VA and drove to TN. We stayed the night there and loaded everything else up the next morning. We got a late start on the road because I wanted to go to JBC and see my favorites once more time before I headed out. We drove 12 hours straight arriving in Texas at what would be 3am TN time. An hour later my dad was puking his guts out and he continued to be "intestinely" sick the next 4 or 5 days. Just as my dad started to feel a little bit better mom got it. This put a damper on our big sight seeing plans but atleast they got to feeling better enough for us to head to Downtown Fort Worth. Everything else will have to wait until they come to visit!
I was able to move into my new place a few days early which was nice. We had the wonderful Philbeck's over to help us unload the truck. This was a huge help since my dad was out of commission. We all went to work making the place feel like home. I was also "pounded" by the philbecks and the cogdell's. This basically means they stocked my kitchen full or goodies to get me through the first month or so. I'm lucky to have some really great friends here already.
I also met a few guys that live in my building. They've already fixed my car for me. They're interesting people and one even took me out to lunch and to the mall with him to do some shopping. Don't worry.... he's not a subject of interest. ;) It's nice to have some people I know in the complex... you know in case I need anything. The preacher's daughter just moved in to another building so that will make another person I know close to me. She's really cool. so far there are just 9 or 10 buildings being lived in... and there will be a whole lot more. I think its going to get pretty crazy onces all the other one's fill up.
This is getting boring I think....I'll just hit on the highlights...
*the apartment is perfect! It has tons of character.
*the college age girls small group is going to start meeting at my place. I'm excited to share it with other people
*I've had friends new & old over for dinner twice this past week which has made me feel like I have a life here.
*I had orientation for The Daily Grind but they keep pushing the start date back and have yet to actually start work. I'm going to be a barista which means I'll basically be awesome. I mostly work with a bunch of 16 year old girls and a few guys that don't want to go to college. I'm excited.
*I got a job at the church as an administrative assistant and will start there next week. I'm nervous and excited about learning new things. I don't think I'll find the same office dynamic here as I did in TN and that makes me sad. I was so spoiled. betsy you made it great! If you want to clone yourself and send one of you down here to work across from me I'd totally be okay with that!
*I went to some lake yesterday for Forth of July. We went out on the boat and my bathing suit top broke! that was an exciting few minutes. Don't worry no one saw my goodies... atleast I don't think they did.
*Both of my jobs are only 2 miles from my apt. This means I'm going to save ridiculously on gas.
*Best Maid pickles are the best!
*I know my way around pretty well.
There's no way you read this all. If you did comment telling me what the state flower is and then I'll know you're a true friend ;) jk. sort of. I love you three or four so much. My heart hurts sometimes thinking about all I'm missing where you are. Maybe You can give me a stupidly long update about your own lives.
Emilee? Did this work for you? Hopefully next time there won't be as much to update on. Love you!
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| I'm supposed to be working overtime but my brain is fried from the last 8 hours so I've resorted to posting a new blog which I never do.
The title of my blog should probably be some cool song lyric or quote from a book about how life is always changing but I don't have one so i'll just say it myself. Life is always changing. I can prove it... but I'll have to use my last blog to help me out.
i live in knoxville... NOT indiana like I once upon a Nov. 29th 2006 said I would be... I do still live in Knoxville BUT only for another 5 weeks! Scary! I've grown a lot fonder of it since I decided to leave.
i'm still not in grad school or taking any classes... I'm still not in school BUT i do hope to be again one day.
my sweet Mazy (as in the Mazda) has now been hurt twice... three times if you count betsy scratching her... Mazy will make the longest trek of her life in 7 weeks so I'm taking good care of her in hopes she'll do me proud
I found a new state where i'd like to live...its called Texas.... its also called happy... That new state is STILL Texas and as a matter of fact... I'll be moving there June 21st! The other state I was talking about was happy... and I'm there. :) I can't really think of the last time I said that. It has a lot to do with people I love ... and people I'm just learning to love. It also has a lot to do with letting go... and loving myself. I'll always be a work in progress.
I'm not getting married... now that hasn't changed... but I did get a new ring. A promise ring to myself... a promise to be careful with my heart and to carefully choose the one I let hold it.
I miss WJBC the net in the afternoon... this also hasn't changed. I only miss it when I think of Jake.
I got a dog and I'll be losing him soon... I said goodbye to my lil man. He'll always be my lil man and I'll love him forever but I know he's in good hands and will have the best life!
I want a fresh start and I don't know when I'll ever get one.... I'm getting one in June! Isn't that great?!?
I've
got a fever... a sore throat....i'm lethargic.....and my head &
chest hurt. Someone needs a 3 oz. immunity shot to kick start her
Spring.... I don't have a sore throat, I'm not lethargic, and my chest doesn't hurt. My head does and my allergies are killing me but still... there's some change ;)
I think I want what ever Addison Montgomery-Shepherd got
from that Natural Medicine guy on Private Practice to make her cry a
lot....b/c i don't think i'm done yet... I'm done.
i'll clean my room this weekend to make room for my wedding dress.... one i hope to wear one day... My room is STILL a disaster BUT i made room for my dress by nailing a nail in to the only free wall I had left in my room. I also hammered one in for my slip. That think was ridiculous. I also have another bridesmaids dress handing up to so I'm getting a lot of use out of it. I'm so smart! oh... and I hope to wear a different dress one day.
I still like holding Jakes hand and Betsy still dances around the office. I still like that too!... I still like holding Jake's hand and Betsy still dances around the office and there's two reasons right there I'm glad that some things never change.
I could list a million other ways life has changed for me... i could also list a million ways it hasn't & never will.
I don't have anything to complain about and I'm trying to remind myself of that every day.
I'll write again in 7 weeks. From Texas. I'll be in a new state, in a new city, in a new apartment, with new internet connection and it will be awesome... it will also be a little frightening but I've got great people going alongside me in this new "journey" i'm setting out on. The people I have in my life are great! I've got friends I call family and family I call friends and for that I'm very grateful.
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| hello! here's the update...
i live in knoxville... NOT indiana like I once upon a Nov. 29th 2006 said I would be...
i'm still not in grad school or taking any classes
my sweet Mazy (as in the Mazda) has now been hurt twice... three times if you count betsy scratching her...
I found a new state where i'd like to live...its called Texas.... its also called happy.
I'm not getting married
I miss WJBC the net in the afternoon
I got a dog and I'll be losing him soon...
I want a fresh start and I don't know when I'll ever get one....
I've got a fever... a sore throat....i'm lethargic.....and my head & chest hurt. Someone needs a 3 oz. immunity shot to kick start her Spring....
I think I want what ever Addison Montgomery-Shepherd got from that Natural Medicine guy on Private Practice to make her cry a lot....b/c i don't think i'm done yet
i'll clean my room this weekend to make room for my wedding dress.... one i hope to wear one day
I still like holding Jakes hand and Betsy still dances around the office. I still like that too!
I also like reading funny old posts...
my mom just called & slowed my roll... guess thats the end of this. until next time.... either 31 or 67 weeks from now you'll get another one :)
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| I'm
not a big blogger. never was never will be BUT i thought i owed all
you faithful viewers an update... sooooo here's the scoop.... i
switched from working in residential treatment to outpatient
treatment... it wasn't what I was hoping it would be... not that it
isn't a great place for people to be... i just needed a break from the
mental health field for awhile. It was making me sick. Fortunately
God had something else lined up for me and I was offered a job at my
Alma Mater Johnson Bible College.... where I am now.... its a good
place to work and I'm happy there. I don't know that I'm really good
at it but I try...I hope to be there atleast 2 years so that Chris can
finish school... Chris? who's Chris you ask.... well kids... he's my
fiance. We met in November... I spent a few months training him (only
kidding.... sort of) and about 6 mos. later he asked me to be his
wife... lucky for him I said yes and here 2 mos later we're plannin the
party of the century... or not so much... but close. We're enjoying
watchin our sweet boy Caspian grow up to be the cutest.... craziest...
most awesome puggle you ever saw...i know... don't you hate those
people who act like their dogs are their children.... its disgusting
but I've fallen victim to it and there's no helping me... some other
exciting things to note are that I moved into a sweet new apartment in
West Knoxville with two of my very best friends. not that i get to
spend too much time with them... they just like to read the DSM-IV and
talk about secret counseling things but its okay... i think its all due
to the fact that they're working on their last year of graduate
school.... YOU GO GIRLS... its more than I could ever do... (but i'll
try...eventually) Vikki... the CrownVic passed away at the beginning
of the summer... it was a sad day (i get a little teary eyed just
thinking about the old girl...) fortunately I have friends in high
places and was able to get Mazy the Mazda3. She's been a pretty good
ride but she's no land yacht like the old one was.... I also just
recently (like last nite) went to my first of what i'm sure will turn
into a million, belly dancing classes. It was just an awesome unique
experience. It's a workout... and i didn't once feel uncomfortable
showin off my tummy... i can't wait to go back... and speaking of going
back... i went back to Peninsula Village the other day to see one of
the greatest kids I've ever met graduate the program and hopefully go
out into the real world and live a happy and healthy life...I felt so
blessed to have another chance to tell her how proud I was of her....
as I am so many of those girls... but some of the things that were said
in her discharge conference really made me reevaluate myself and what I
want out of life... or perhaps what life wants out of me... "Dream
big... the ones that dream big are the ones that make a difference in
life..." that's me!! I'm a big dreamer!!! i really am.... I'm just not
the go getter that i should be.... or i lack the confidence to do what
I know deep down I'm capable of doing... and all of that just to tell
you that i decided I'm goin back to school... i don't know when or
where but I am... maybe my next update will be from the airport in
Mozambique where I'll be cutting red tape.... who knows.... God does...
thats all i need to know for now... other highly notable happenings....
my brother got married... i now have a beautiful sister-in-law!... its
about time... on with the neices & nephews.... all my friends are
also getting married... its a fun time... sort of...also i'm gonna go
on Deal or No Deal... i could never win The Singing Bee and I think you
should know that Abraham Lincoln's mom died when the family dairy cow
ate a poisonous mushroom and she drank the milk.... cheers ya'll. love
ya & miss ya! | | |
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